I was having dinner with a friend the other night, and she looked at me and said:
“You are a smart woman. You could do so much with your life, yet you choose to do the “sex thing”. In light of everything that is happening in the world, happening to women, why on earth do you waste so much time and attention on this, when it is so frivolous.”
Needless to say, I love this woman with all my heart and I can see her point.
There are a lot of shitty shitty things going on in the world right now, that need attention and energy.
And you know, sex is just a fun thing you do by yourself or with another person (or 2 or 3 other people!)
Sex is just all about pleasure & joy, which are great, but not life changing.
Sex is something we can, essentially, live without.
As a woman, no.
You can survive, you can even be OK. But without some kind of deeply satisfying sexual relationship (even just with yourself), you will struggle to reach your fullest potential.
The science is in and it is shouting loudly.
Sexually satisfied women are more creative, more emotionally content, have better relationships (with both their sexual partners and their friends!) they are more likely to take action in their lives that lead to things like salary increases, promotions & better working conditions – basically they are more likely to take action to get ALL of their needs met in ALL areas of their life, if this one part is working well.
What?? How come this isn’t common knowledge and how the hell does it work??
It is simple, and really incredibly complex all at the same time.
But in a few easy to understand points:
A woman who feels in control of her own body, in control of her sexual experience, is LESS easy to control in every other area of her life. Want to know how not to give one single fuck about how you “should” look, or what you “should” be doing? Get intimate with your own body and your own pleasure and work out what you REALLY need.
Hormones are released in the female body when she is aroused & satisfied. These hormones (without going super nerd science girl) relax the body, relax the nervous system and take us out of a state of stress. However, the reverse is also true. When we are super stressed, we cannot drop into intense states of pleasure. The path is circular ladies… Focus on pleasure & what you need to achieve it and the stress drops, allowing you even more pleasure & relaxation!
The changes that occur in a woman’s nervous system when she is pleasured and relaxed, also opens the neurological pathways that are associated with creative thinking. This spills out of the bedroom and into every other endeavour – into creative projects as well as commercial ones.
And if these three really simple reasons are not enough for you, you can always dive into the reverse and study what happens to a woman who has had her sexuality abused, shamed or traumatised. Unfortunately, these studies are much more prolific, and much more telling.
Take a woman’s unique, deep-felt sense of sexuality away from her, hurt it, abuse it or destroy it, and you will destroy the very essence of that woman. She will not be able to function fully, she will not be an open hearted care giver, she will not be proactive in her community, she will not form deep attachments to her children, her partner, nor her peers, she will not feel safe in the world, therefore will never go about shining her light in it….
And if you ask me, helping a woman shine her unique light in the world is a pretty fucking epic ability to give a woman – one I do not mind spending my entire life working at. Talking about sex, starting conversations, teaching new ways, encouraging joy and pleasure through the portal of sexuality is not just about fun – it is about creating women who make sure their lives are filled with creativity, purpose, powerful change, abundance, security, adventure & joy.
By Lily Isobella