When life gets crazy it’s easy to forget to connect with your partner.
Sometimes we feel tired and we just don’t want to make love.
One day can easily turn into a week, weeks or months…
So what to do, where do you start?
And what can you do when you feel stretch thin with time and energy to still feel connected to yourself, your own sexuality and your partner.
Here are 3 simple ways to do this NOW and it doesn’t even take that long:
1- REST TOGETHER
When life gets crazy, the last thing we do is relax… ESPECIALLY with our partners.
It’s so easy to fall into the do, do, do train… you know the one you don’t know how to get off from…
Working all day and coming home to cleaning up, doing paperwork, cooking, putting the kids to bed… going from one activity to the next without taking a breath.
The problem with that is the more you do, thinking once you have ticked off all of your tasks you will stop, the more you find things that need to get done and it keeps you in this crazy busy wheel… the faster you go, the faster you go.
You actually need to consciously stop.
And when I am talking about relaxing, I don’t mean scrolling on your phone or watching TV… that actually isn’t relaxing… it might feel like it but it isn’t.
I mean really relaxing and letting go…
Letting your nervous system unfold because when our nervous system is wired there isn’t a lot of space for us to FEEL and in order to feel connected to our partner we need to be able to feel them and ourselves.
Lay down next to each other on your bed without touching.
Spend 10 min breathing deeply and scanning your body for tensions and consciously bringing your attention there, breathing into that part of your body and relaxing it (you might want to have music playing and agree to do this for a couple of songs so that you know when to move on to the next bit).
Then turn towards your partner and spend the next 5 minutes (one song) just resting looking into each other eyes.
Come into an embrace and feel each other now.
How different do you feel?
2- HOLD YOUR PARTNER’S GENITALS
Often when we are busy, we can feel disconnected from our sex centre as our head becomes the main driver.
This is a great way to support your partner to stay embodied and connected to themselves deeply.
It also helps to break down a preconceived belief that when genitals are being touched, it means SEX is next.
This belief is what stops a lot of people to start any kind of intimacy with their partner because they might feel that if they start, they are obligated to do more.
Once this belief is broken down and the pressure or expectations connected to it disappear, a whole wide world of fresh and new ways to be intimate opens.
Make sure to do this at different times to get the whole benefit from this.
Hold your partner’s genital and look into each other’s eyes.
It’s also ok to close your eyes to drop into your body sensations both as giver and receiver, but I would invite you to try eyes open at some point as it will increase your intimacy.
Breath deeply and just notice how you feel.
The receiver, really relax and allow yourself to be held and let your body open.
3- PLAY “YOUR TURN”
It’s easy to forget to play when life gets hectic, so here is a game that will bring some juicy energy between the 2 of you in a very short amount of time.
Begin by sitting across each other.
One of you starts to touch, the other closes his/ her eyes.
Touch your partner in a soft way for a minute or so and then say “your turn”.
Swap and touch for a minute or so and then say “your turn”…
You get the idea. Have some sensual music playing for inspiration.
The purpose of this game is to have fun, tease your partner to open and feel pleasure in their body.
Start gentle and build up.
Make sure to explore with different types of touch, to use your breath and to guide your partner into different positions…
Remember here TEASING is more fun than any direct touch on genital for example…
How can you slowly build up the tension between the 2 of you?
With anything like these practices, do not overthink them or underappreciate them until you have tried them.
A lot can be said for simplicity.
I would love to hear how you go with them.
Get in touch and let me know which one you like best and what happened.
PS: If you would like to take the time to really go deep with your partner, make sure to check out our Couples Retreat.
Elise Savaresse is one of the co-creator of The Yoniverse.
She has been deeply involved in exploring Conscious Sexuality and Intimacy for the last decade.
She has an online program for women supporting them to reconnect with the power and wisdom of their Yonis, and she travels all over Australia and overseas offering workshops and retreats for men, women and couples.
Her vision is to support men and women to experience the beauty and sacredness of sexuality and have thriving relationships.