There are typical things that make a woman shut down in the bedroom.
Actually many women will stop desiring intimacy for the reasons I am about to share.
These mistakes are very common and something that most people don’t question.
If you can shift your mindset in how you approach her and sex in the way I am about to share with you, you will most likely become an incredible lover or an even better one.
Enjoy her pleasure instead of trying to give her an orgasm
That’s a biggie. Let me make that clear.
You TRYING to give us an orgasm is a massive turn off.
Here is why…
We can’t relax as we can feel the pressure you are putting on the moment and the experience.
Often women will go into their head wondering if they are taking too long which adds to the pressure and it becomes a vicious cycle.
It also feels shit to be connected to with an agenda.
My personal experience is that if a man can let go of this goal and just be present with me and enjoy my body, my skin, my vagina, my pleasure…
JUST ENJOY seeing the waves of pleasure moving through my body and giving me time and space to allow them to expand…
That kind of pleasure with or without a peak orgasm is way more fulfilling.
You thought harder and faster was the way go… try slower and softer
There is this huge misconception that harder and faster creates more sensations and more pleasure in the body.
It is often reinforced by the only visual imprint we have of sex in movies and porn.
This type of sex over time will not be fulfilling for a woman in her feminine essence.
After many years of always wanting harder and faster sex without ever being totally fulfilled, one day I choose to go counterintuitive and asked my partner to go slower.
Here is what happens when you go slower:
* You get to be more present with each sensation instead of overloading yourself
* You have time to actually track the sensation and response in your body
* You can choose to feel more by opening to it
* You become aware of more subtle sensations
* You start to require less to feel more
* You enter the magical land of subtle pleasure which is boundaryless and infinite
That applies to both of you by the way.
It’s often the less travelled road sexually but such an expansive one.
One that has the potential to totally transform and enliven your relationship to your partner, to your own body and pleasure and to sex in general.
Caress her body but touch her heart
This is something I hear so much from women…
“He doesn’t know how to touch me…”
This coupled with the fact that women feel dissatisfied with sex often ends up with her totally shutting down.
The way to a woman’s body is through her heart!
Never forget that.
You want to touch her deeply like no other lovers has…
It’s not about techniques but how much you are willing to be present with her…
To touch her heart and soul through connecting with her body.
We long for that!!!
And if we do not get that over time, we will shut down to you and to sex.
The excitement of hot sex is fun for a while but if you want deep long lasting intimacy with your partner, you will need to connect deeply with her through your touch.
Let go of building friction, focus on building tension
You probably have heard that a woman requires more time than a man to be ready.
That you need to spend more time with foreplay.
Even most women think this to be true.
And even though foreplays are great, I don’t fully agree with that.
Some people see foreplay as what happens before penetration and for a lot of people, it involves different ways of rubbing each other’s genitals.
Now, you can spend a lot of time rubbing my clitoris but if there is no sexual tension between us, you might be there a long time before I even start to warm up.
Sexual tension is what often dies in a long term relationship.
But sexual tension is also what’s going to get her wet before you have even touched her.
It’s the electrical charge between you, a fire that you want to tend to as much as possible.
It resides in delayed gratification… where you let her feel your desire but also show her your self-control by delaying it… building desire in both of you.
Alright, time for you to try these out and please always let me know what happened and don’t hesitate to get in touch if you have any questions.
I love hearing back from you
Have a beautiful day
Elise Savaresse is the founder of The Yoniverse.
She has been deeply involved in exploring Female Sexuality and Conscious Relating for the last decade.
She has an online program for women supporting them to reconnect with the power and wisdom of their Yonis, and she travels all over Australia and overseas offering workshops and retreats for men, women and couples.
Her vision is to support men and women to experience the beauty and sacredness of sexuality and have thriving relationships.
Photo from Marcos Mayer