There’s one thing I wish all couples knew.
One little approach that – when it’s fully embraced – has the potential to create mind-blowingly amazing experiences, both in the bedroom and outside of it.
What is it?
Simply being willing to learn more EVEN WHEN you already have great sex and intimacy.
Understanding the necessity of investing in your relationships BEFORE things get really difficult / shitty / unbearable.
There’s this pattern I’ve noticed that frustrates me so much – most couples only go to a Tantra workshop (or couples retreat or therapy or counselling) AFTER things get really unpleasant. When they are ALREADY on the edge of breaking up, or no longer feel attracted to each other, feel totally disconnected or haven’t had sex in 6 months.
You’d be surprised how many emails I get from couples at this stage – on the edge of breaking up.
There’s this expectation that just going to a workshop or retreat will somehow ‘save the relationship’.
And the truth is, that it’s MUCH more challenging to reconnect and return to having a great relationship when you’ve been disconnected and hating on each other for months. It’s still possible, but waaaaay more difficult – and sometimes those couples still break up in the end (which is sometimes right for both of them – I don’t want to give the impression that a break up is a ‘failure’!).
So why don’t we seek out experiences of going deeper when things are GOOD?
Well, there’s the classic if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it approach. The idea that there needs to be something wrong in order to book a session / go to a retreat / ‘work’ on the relationship.
“But we’re having great sex already, why learn more? We already know what to do!”
And there’s the idea that it’s ridiculous to LEARN about sexuality from a workshop – I mean, shouldn’t we just KNOW what to do sexually?
Well, turns out that most people tend to be quite repetitive in their expression of sexuality – we don’t exactly learn about variety at school / from friends / or in porn! It’s easy to just find what your partner likes, give them a quick orgasm and go to sleep.
Three different positions in the same order. Predictable sex. Easy sex. A nice release. Nothing wrong with that, of course. It’s just not accessing the full potential of what’s possible sexually.
And of course, let’s not forget the sexual shame, body image issues or trauma that most people have experienced on some level – we’re not exactly set up for amazing intimate experiences!
Many couples I’ve worked with over the years are blown away by what else is possible in terms of their relating and intimacy, things they hadn’t realised or didn’t know about.
What I’ve found (also within my own relationships) is that there is ALWAYS more to learn. Way more. Always. Always new worlds to discover together. Always new aspects of each other to delight in and explore.
Some people could use this idea to make themselves feel not good enough / bad / wrong.
It’s not about that.
For me it’s actually super exciting! I love that unknown place of expansion, of discovery, of exploration, of new unchartered territory. I love that it’s possible to have sex again like it’s the first time. To constantly be navigating new and exciting places together. To feel immense passion for a partner even after decades together.
To feel totally juicy, loved-up and alive in your relationship.
There are many ways to explore this – there are a lot of great sexuality books full of practices and exercises, there are some pretty decent online courses these days too… but personally I prefer the experience of workshops and retreats that involve more LIVE support and more actual human interaction.
Here at the Yoniverse, we LOVE working with couples who want to continue to have a deeply fulfilling relationship and have beautiful adventures in intimacy beyond what they previously thought possible.
If you’re in a relationship and open for some new inspiration – The Yoniverse workshops have proven to be a powerful experience for many couples who have done them on the same weekend.
(We often receive some quite happy emails from couples afterwards sharing what it’s brought to their sex lives!)
We have a workshop for men on the Saturday and a workshop for women on the Sunday – and we’re all over Australia these days…
Before the end of 2017, we’ll be in Coffs Harbour, Brisbane, Byron Bay, Sydney and Margaret River WA!
Check out dates and info here:
Women’s workshop – www.theyoniverse.com/women
Men’s workshop – www.theyoniverse.com/men
We’ll also be offering another Yoniverse Couples Retreat in 2018 – 4 days of incredible connection, peaceful rainforest vibes and wild touch exploration with your partner – all guided and supported by our amazing team. If you’re interested to join us for the retreat, It’s important you come to the day workshops first to get a sense of this work.
Words by Bonnie Bliss
Bonnie is the Co-Founder of the Yoniverse and you can read more about her here