I had never been in a relationship before where the time available one on one with my partner felt limited until I met my current partner and this gave me an insight into what many couples experience. Now deep connection is something that is essential for me to feel in relationship and that time limit allow me to understand what is necessary in order to nurture this connection in our busy, going faster and faster way of living.
If you have kids, different timetables or shift work, if one of you is going away or working a lot or if you are very social, etc… you and your partner might be very rarely alone and fully present with each other.
And here I am not talking about being together at night after a whole day being with the kids or working very hard. We are often more tired at the end of the day and our capacity to be present with each other diminishes.
It is very easy to lose the sense of deep intimacy with our partner, to get distracted by TV or Facebook.
Many couples I work with report how the demands of day to day life often take over and years can go by without them really feeling the deep sense of connection they used to experience earlier in their relationship.
Why is that? And does it have to be that way?
Our intimacy, our sense of deeply feeling each other is something I believe need to be nurture and given priority in your life.
Our intimate relationship is often not something we realise we need to invest in even though it’s often a very important foundation in our life.
Just ask yourself: How happy do you feel in your overall life when your relationship is not flourishing?
And in the contrary how much more alive, vibrant and happy are you when your intimate and sexual relationship is going awesome?
One of the habits I recommend couples to do is to schedule a weekly date together.
Not a dinner date, not an outing date but a date where you make your connection with each other the priority. My partner and I actually have a whole day schedule for each other. I know it might be something that seems a lot for some of you but again ask yourself what is REALLY important in your life?
Should work, social time or doing the washing be more important than creating a long lasting bond with you partner?
Even if it’s only half a day or 3 hours, whatever is manageable for you. What’s important is to commit to this date every single week and to not have any specific plans. The purpose of this date is to be with each other and relax together.
My Fridays are Sacred Days. Both my partner and I really look forward to them and my business partner or assistants know not to disturb me on that day.
What are the benefits?
- Relaxation in your own body from the stresses of your life. Giving yourself time to just be in itself can be so healing and healthy. For a lot of people this is actually REALLY big as they have never giving themselves the time and space to just relax without having anything to do!
- As you relax with your partner together, your energy bodies will harmonise and open to each other. I know it might sound a bit woo woo but we are dealing with lots of people and demands during our day to day life and often we tend to develop a kind of a protective shell. When you just relax with your partner, this shell has an opportunity to soften and open.
- Relaxation is one the most basic principle I work with with my clients. The more relaxed you can be the more potential for experiencing connection and pleasure increases.
- Sense of space and holiday feeling. You will get to feel like you are on holiday every single week. Do you think that would have any effect on your wellbeing and quality of life?
- Space to address things that may have created disconnection during the week, making sure that there is no build up of tension or resentment which are a killer to a lot of relationship.
- You are showing each other the importance you put on your relationship and your love and it feels pretty good!!!
- A feeling of connection that you will carry with you for the rest of the week…
- Deepening of your connection, understanding of each other and love.
How do you do it?
- Schedule a day, morning or afternoon that you both feel you can commit to.
- Make the arrangements necessary so that it can happen EVERY WEEK.
- If you have planned a morning date, wake up slowly, cuddle, fall asleep in each other arms again, talk about things you are excited about but mostly focus on relaxing together, caressing each other without a goal. Just be together. Talk about how you feel for each other… Make love without a time limit. Get up when you are hungry. Have a nap. Go for a walk…. Imagine you are on holiday without a specific plan.
- If you only have the afternoon, make sure you just lay together for a while without doing anything, just resting, breathing, feeling each other. If you fall asleep great, your systems need to go from the doing of your morning, drop into a more relaxed state and napping is always great for that. As above, caress each other, talk, cuddle, make love if that is where the energy is going.
Now what’s important:
- Connect without a goal. If your date becomes habitual and you always do the same thing and then expect it, your date won’t feel the same.
- Watch you tendency to want to fill the space and just be. Just notice how comfortable you are with just being together.
- Making love is not the end goal, connecting is.
- If you are addressing things that have come in the way of you feeling connecting, make sure you come from a place of wanting to feel connected again and not just accuse or be right.
- Avoid screen time. Turn your phone off if you can.
This is one of the many habits and practices that I share in more details in the Yoniverse Retreat, a retreat where you choose to invest in your relationship not only for the 4 days that we spend together but for the rest of your life.
The practices are designed to allow you to experience deeper and deeper levels of intimacy and connection together….
Interesting fact: You can always go deeper 😉
So if you are in a new relationship and would like to create very strong foundation for the way that you relate or if you have been in a relationship for a while, feel like you may have lost each other a bit or if you just want to learn cool practices to take your relationship to the next level, make sure you check out our retreat happening next month.
Elise is the Co-Founder of the Yoniverse and you can read more about her here