I am a big fan of self love.


For those of you who know me personally, you know I will never shy away from any discussion, especially one involving sex, even sex with myself. My recent studies have allowed me to explore more fully the ancient art of Egyptian Tantra & the practice of sacred sex. Now, when your lover is not geographically available, this kind of study only leaves you with one option.


Did I just use study as an excuse to masturbate?

Yep, I did.

And the self-realization during this study has been stunning.

Using the principles of this ancient practice, I have realized I am a totally crap lover.  For myself.


Don’t get me wrong, there is no end to the physical satisfaction I can give myself, I know my body inside out (pun intended)

I have been the queen of the quickie – daily time challenges and small children will guarantee you that. I can also lose hours, amusing myself.

But this is not about technique… this is about self love. This is about showing yourself the same honour and deep appreciation that you would a lover. To touch yourself as a lover would, to hold yourself in the same esteem that a lover would.  To adore yourself, in all your wonder, all your beauty, all your flaws, as a lover would.

And I have struggled.


It occurred to me that years of negative self-talk, years of loathing my physical imperfections, years of focusing on my flaws, years of feeling not quite good enough, had made me a terrible self lover.

I had become the cartoonish “typical” female doing the laundry list in my head whilst having sex. Except my laundry list was comprised of all the ways in which I fall short.


I know I am not alone in this, otherwise I would not feel the need to share something so intimate.

I know the ways in which we speak to ourselves. I know the standards we aspire to, those lofty, unattainable, airbrushed, so-called ideals . I know that as women, rarely do we feel fully at home in our skin, completely accepting and totally loving.

But I also know it is possible.

That complete self love, and not just for orgasm, is totally possible.

So my challenge for all of you, is to get your good thing on. With yourself. Be the most incredible lover you can be. Hold yourself in the highest esteem, touch yourself as if you are the goddess incarnate. Find the depths of what makes you truly and uniquely beautiful. Go there. And then make love… to yourself.

It may take a little practice… but that is the fun part, right?


By Lily Isobella

Lily is a Yoniverse Facilitators and you can read more about her here.

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